I don't get doctors sometimes. You get put on a medicine, they take you off of it and things get worse. I use to think back before I was on medicine that it was just me.
I hate being like this. Life is overwhelming.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Who am I?
It seems like lately, I've become more and more depressed. Lost in my own thoughts. Lost in my own world. Sometimes thinking if medicine is even helping me or just making me tired and not wanting to do anything. I don't fit in half my pants anymore, it bothers me and then it doesn't. I want to get healthy again and again I don't care. When people ask if I'm alright, I reply yes. I sometimes don't even know who I am anymore. What happened to me? What happened to that awesome Erin that would get excited over everything? Who was outgoing and spunky. Was it becoming a wife and mother? Was it just me hiding from the actual pain I was in? I wish I wasn't like this, but then again who does? No one. That's it
No one.
No one.
Friday, January 9, 2015
It's been a hard fucking few days for me. Don't know why, it's a mixture of emotions. I want to burst out and cry. I want to give up. I get jealous of my daughter. I feel like I have no emotions at times. I feel like technology is messing up mine and Jason's relationship. I'm writing this from my phone so I will probably have typos and will fix it later.
In other news, I bought a new lens last week. It's amazing and I just want to take pictures of everything. Especially Layla. She is my little muse.
I get asked, what's wrong. I want to say everything but that is so vague. But seriously I have a scramble of a brain when I think something's wrong and my mine goes aray. Can I just be normal? Nope.
In other news, I bought a new lens last week. It's amazing and I just want to take pictures of everything. Especially Layla. She is my little muse.
I get asked, what's wrong. I want to say everything but that is so vague. But seriously I have a scramble of a brain when I think something's wrong and my mine goes aray. Can I just be normal? Nope.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Layla's New Obsession
So the past week, we have come to learn that Layla's new obsession is one thing: MINNIE MOUSE. This definitely brings me back to my childhood. I was in LOVE with Mickey and Minnie Mouse. IN LOVE. That's all I ever wanted while growing up, Mickey or Minnie. So, to my delight I was excited that she has become so engrossed in Minnie. I had already given her my old Minnie Mouse dolls, the ones that my parents have been able to salvage. There is this one Minnie, however, I was so in love with. She was a bath time Minnie Mouse and changed colors when it was under water, and is 25 years old. 25!! Ugh, I feel old. This is Layla's favorite Minnie. This morning, she was in her room, digging around in her toy box, and she came out into the living room with just one toy. This Minnie Mouse! The one that I adored while growing up and obsessed about. Now, I am so excited I can pass something down to her.
It also gave me a chance to play with this new lens I am renting. I am glad I decided to rent the lens before considering buying it. I can't wait to use it more within the next two weeks that I have with it. By the way, its the Canon 35mm 1.4. I LOVE IT. Such sharp images and the wide aperture and low depth of field. Something I have always obsessed over. I am stoked to share more images within the next few weeks, but mostly this blog post is about Layla and her new Minnie obsession. Now, another thing to add to the Christmas list to get for her (as well as Paw Patrol). So here's two photos I took of Layla and her new (but old) Minnie.
It also gave me a chance to play with this new lens I am renting. I am glad I decided to rent the lens before considering buying it. I can't wait to use it more within the next two weeks that I have with it. By the way, its the Canon 35mm 1.4. I LOVE IT. Such sharp images and the wide aperture and low depth of field. Something I have always obsessed over. I am stoked to share more images within the next few weeks, but mostly this blog post is about Layla and her new Minnie obsession. Now, another thing to add to the Christmas list to get for her (as well as Paw Patrol). So here's two photos I took of Layla and her new (but old) Minnie.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Eating out with a toddler...
So, I haven't been at my best today because I just felt bleh. My mind was array, at the fact that I wanted so many things with either not enough time or money or just felt bad if I left my husband with Layla when we are a family and should be doing family things.
So, instead of pouting all day, we decided to try out this new sushi place across the way from where we live called "Jumping Rice & Rolls". It was ok, but trying new places out with a toddler is kinda complicated. She is a toddler now so she INSISTS on NOT sitting in a high chair, she will not sit still, and will put her hands on everything. She grabbed a handful of Jason's noodles and stuffed the whole fistful in her mouth. After that, her greasy hands were everywhere, on the booth, the walls, Jason and the table. I handled it pretty well, considering I don't have a lot of patience at home.
Sometimes I even consider having another kid to keep her occupied when she gets a little older. Otherwise, she needs some entertainment ALL THE TIME. She is normally really great about it, but sometimes I want to pull my hair out and there are days where I just want to sit in my room under the covers all day. As she is getting older and more independent, we have come to realize that she is a HUGE Daddy's girl. Sometimes I think she hates me. I feel like it might be because I'm not as cuddly as daddy but every time I try she pushes me away and sometimes even scratches my face. When she wants comfort I try to hold and console her but when my husband comes into the room, she reaches out for him and I feel so deflated. I know it's not her fault, but I'm starting to take it to heart. Even though I know I shouldn't, that I know it's a good thing, but sometimes I want a photo with her, I want to read to her, I want to cuddle with her without her throwing a fit and running to my husband. My husband and I have two different ways of raising her. He wants to baby her and soothe her, do what makes her happy. Myself, on the other hand, I want her to throw her tantrums, if she cries when we put her in bed, we leave her because we KNOW she's tired, but if she starts to put up a fuss, Jason just wants to pick her up and soothe her. I just let him because I know it makes her happy.
At least I can dress her with style, and how I want. She's my dress up doll, and my mini-me.
Any who random post, so here's some photos!
So, instead of pouting all day, we decided to try out this new sushi place across the way from where we live called "Jumping Rice & Rolls". It was ok, but trying new places out with a toddler is kinda complicated. She is a toddler now so she INSISTS on NOT sitting in a high chair, she will not sit still, and will put her hands on everything. She grabbed a handful of Jason's noodles and stuffed the whole fistful in her mouth. After that, her greasy hands were everywhere, on the booth, the walls, Jason and the table. I handled it pretty well, considering I don't have a lot of patience at home.
Sometimes I even consider having another kid to keep her occupied when she gets a little older. Otherwise, she needs some entertainment ALL THE TIME. She is normally really great about it, but sometimes I want to pull my hair out and there are days where I just want to sit in my room under the covers all day. As she is getting older and more independent, we have come to realize that she is a HUGE Daddy's girl. Sometimes I think she hates me. I feel like it might be because I'm not as cuddly as daddy but every time I try she pushes me away and sometimes even scratches my face. When she wants comfort I try to hold and console her but when my husband comes into the room, she reaches out for him and I feel so deflated. I know it's not her fault, but I'm starting to take it to heart. Even though I know I shouldn't, that I know it's a good thing, but sometimes I want a photo with her, I want to read to her, I want to cuddle with her without her throwing a fit and running to my husband. My husband and I have two different ways of raising her. He wants to baby her and soothe her, do what makes her happy. Myself, on the other hand, I want her to throw her tantrums, if she cries when we put her in bed, we leave her because we KNOW she's tired, but if she starts to put up a fuss, Jason just wants to pick her up and soothe her. I just let him because I know it makes her happy.
At least I can dress her with style, and how I want. She's my dress up doll, and my mini-me.
Any who random post, so here's some photos!
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Thanksgiving Attire |
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I couldn't wait to break out her flannel scarf and Santa Shirt! |
From this afternoon at the new place we dined at!
Labels:
Bi-Polar Disorder,
canon rebel,
charlavail,
daddy's girl,
family,
hipster baby,
iphone photos,
Jumping Rice and Rolls,
panda shirt,
thanksgiving,
toddler,
toddler fashion,
whistleandflute
Sunday, November 9, 2014
I gotta keep on dreaming
So I have been obsesssing over a new camera for the past few months and I really want a new one. So if anyone would like to donate $4,000 to me for a new camera I would greatly appreciate it! It's pretty much the only professional camera I would like. I just really want a full frame camera. My husband says if my camera now (I have a canon t3i) can make the money for the new camera, then by all means I can buy it. Well, of course! DUH! So, I need my models to build a portfolio, and you can be featured on my blog!
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This is the camera I REALLY want. The Canon Mark D III This is the camera I currently have: |
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