It took me a while to find a style for myself. In high school I changed my style a lot. It was noticed by a fellow classmate of mine, I found it as a compliment. Now, I realize...I don't know what to do with compliments now. The past ten years I suffered seriously with low self-esteem issues. I honestly do not know what happened. It started with wearing a ton of shirts during a HOT day, and I mean c'mon wearing a lot of shirts in the heat living in Vegas is CRAZY. I know why I did this. I had big boobs, I didn't like it at all. That's where it could have started. I wore enough of shirts to make it look like I had smaller breasts. Crazy, eh?
Compliments? They make me uncomfortable. I'm not trying to be humble, I'm being honest. When you're more open with yourself you notice a lot more flaws about yourself, and when I receive compliments I would brush them off with a joke or I'd totally disregard it and don't agree whatsoever. I don't have the best memory anymore, but I do remember moments. My mom saying "you look skinnier!" I respond "It's probably because of the shirt I'm wearing", and again if someone says I looked skinnier I respond with a snide remark saying I don't really notice it, because really, I don't. By the way, why do people always judge you and compliment you on your weight/size? This is why I am so damn self-conscious. When I was working out in the beginning of the year, getting toned up and fit, I got a lot more compliments about how good I look and how good I'm doing for myself, ect. That made me feel GREAT. Yet, when I stopped, the compliments stopped. Yeah, that really boosted my confidence (sarcasm). You stop working out, the compliments and praises stop. What the hell is wrong with our world? I know we are slowly working on making people feel more comfortable in their own skin. Our generation has been tainted by magazines, Facebook, Instagram and other social media websites, making people look at pictures of pretty girls, handsome men, yearning to be like them. I know it is for me.
I want to be like this, I want this, I hate this apart me. It eats me ALIVE.
So I stick to bigger than my size (because I have big boobs) plaid shirts and jeans. That's my comfort zone. I dress like a tom-boy and there are days that I LOVE it, and days where I'm like, I should wear something nicer, but I still decide to stick to my normalcy.
What? I love my plaid shirts/cardigans and jeans. Obviously I am living in the wrong city, because it hardly gets under 50 degrees and it's 80 degrees 6 plus months out of the year. I guess I sweat it out.
In all honesty, I'm just trying to love myself, but it's really hard when you are your worst critic. We just shouldn't have mirrors at all.
Oh, off subject...I'm looking for models to add to my portfolio for my photography business. If we gain enough supporters then I might invest in a business license next. year. If you're in the Las Vegas area, and are interested, email me! Or comment on this post with your email. if anyone out there wants to, of course.
xoxoxo
Erin
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